Muni Diaries

Photo by Flickr user frantikgirl

I think the old adage about full moons bringing the crazies out is not true in San Francisco — I think the heat brings them out. So this morning’s sunny skies meant something good would be happening on the 45.

Once we dropped off all the Marina girls and the old ladies on Market Street and headed toward SOMA I noticed what appeared to be a late middle-aged man with a cane and a bible. Now, in most places, a bible is not necessarily a sign that you’re crazy, but on Muni a bible might as well be a straitjacket. Almost immediately he starts yelling really loudly, spit flying.

“Read your bibles, you’re all going to hell. Too much sex, read your bible. Only Jesus will survive the tsunami and save you from hell, it’s in the bible. Stop gay marriage, read your bible. Your generation is going to hell, read the bible.”

Most of the bus just ignores Angry Bible Guy, but this woman (who didn’t look quite all there) gets up and gets right in his face yelling, “Who are you to be telling us to read the bible, maybe you’re going to hell.”

Angry Bible Guy responds, “Act like a woman, read the bible.”

To which she tells him, “Act like a man, I bet you have a small pecker.”

Then they just start simultaneously screaming at one another until you can’t understand anything but him screaming, “Read your bible” and her imitating an ape with sound effects and a little ape dance.

Finally, the bus driver comes over the loud speaker, “Sir, Lady, you need to keep it down. Pipe down back there.” The screaming continued as I got off the bus. Oh, Lord, lease don’t let it get much hotter, I may have to take a cab.