‘Only on Muni’ head-scratchers

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Sure, there’s a lot of weird shit you see on Muni every day. But in a separate class all by themselves are the one-offs, the things you might experience only once, but things that will leave you scratching your head and saying (out loud or to yourself), “Only on Muni, man.” Indeed.

  • these senior citizens on Muni look like they’re about to punch each other. “Why don’t you shut up,” said the bearded one
  • I don’t even know where I’m going. I got on muni and I don’t wanna get off because I’m lazy to get up.
  • On #SFMuni this morning I witnessed a really intense selfie photo-shoot…
  • This 70+ year-old guy just walked on MUNI with a huge boner tent. Good for him.
  • Saw a smashed burrito on the floor of the 45. Poured out some imaginary salsa for the fallen homie. #RIP

This week’s Things on Muni comes to you from the wonderful, creative, sexy minds and fingertips of Muni riders @JQiii, @_PatriciaVaras, @MikeAloha, @Ereeeek, and @scenechangeGO. Be cool like them and follow Muni Diaries on Twitter right now. Go on, we’ll wait here.

Join us at Muni Diaries Live on Saturday, April 18, for a night of true, hilarious, weird, and sweet stories that can only happen on Muni! Grab a ticket and we’ll see you there!

Photo by David Lytle

Transit News: BART 2016 fare hike, Muni service increases, new Muni art, Muni double-berthing gets green light

Here’s the transit news we’ve collected since our last news roundup. If you have news tips, email them our way, por favor.

  • BART announces 3.4 percent planned 2016 fare increase (SFGate)
  • Will Muni’s Largest Service Increase in Decades Have Staying Power? (Streetsblog SF)
  • New Art on Muni poster series to begin May 1 (Curbed SF)
  • Overnight Fire Damages Muni Shelter At Haight and Fillmore (Hoodline)
  • News crew catches teen girls’ attack on Muni rider who had shushed them (SFGate)
  • Muni given go-ahead for double berthing at downtown stations (SF Examiner)

In this corner, Muni Haiku challenger’s kickass streetcar tattoo

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The Muni Haiku Battle is set to resume its ferocity eight days from now, as syllable-slinger Ronn Vigh squares off against first-time contestant Katie (who also happens to be one-third of the musical group Mesquite and Mustard, but more about that later.) Katie sent us her boat tram tattoo after seeing some other Muni tattoos we posted a few weeks ago. This has to count for something, right?

A week from tomorrow, you can watch Katie and her skin art take on Ronn for what promises to be the most exciting, nail-biting, side-splitting hilarious moments you’ll live to witness (until the next time). Did you get advance tickets to Muni Diaries Live on April 18 yet? Advanced tickets are sold out, but we’ve saved some spots for a few door tickets. Get there early!

Muni: Where baseball and unicorns collide seamlessly

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We’re a San Francisco Giants kind of people here at Muni Diaries. But, contrary to certain belief systems (The Church of Being an Oakland A’s Fan), you can root root root for both home teams unless it’s 1989 and you’re busy being terrified during an earthquake. I was eight, and that shit was scary.

That said, I adore this backpack, which was a 2014 A’s promotional giveaway designed by actual A’s players. MLB.com had some insider-baseball (see what we did there) history into the why, but we tapped one of our go-to A’s fans, Ericka, for more colorful fan perspective:

A lot of teams make the bullpen rookies [ed. note: rookie relief pitchers] do silly stuff like dress up or carry around a crazy bag. The A’s had a Hello Kitty backpack Sean Doolittle carried with pride his rookie season. The next season, they got a Despicable Me unicorn backpack, but it didn’t fit all the stuff they needed (necessities like candy and seeds) so they attached it to the original Hello Kitty, creating an absolute abomination in the best way. It was silly, the fans loved it, and it fit so perfectly with the whole Island of Misfit Toys mentality the A’s have, they decided to make a promo out of it. Doolittle and Ryan Cook designed it. The actual player photos on the backpack are the perfect size to be covered with a small, round button (I hexed out Jim Johnson almost immediately because he’s the g-d worst) so as the guys move on through the revolving door that is Oakland baseball, you can modify without losing the integrity of the unicorn. It’s definitely one of my favorite promotions ever.

My takeaway is that Oakland blasted San Francisco out of its irony orbit with a backpack Lisa Frank would’ve crapped her pants to design. Well done, A’s. Well done.

h/t Muni rider Annette: “Sighting: anyone care to explain this unicorn backpack with baseball player vignettes? #idontsports #icanteven”

Join us at Muni Diaries Live on Saturday, April 18, for a night of true, hilarious, weird, and sweet stories that can only happen on Muni! Grab a ticket and we’ll see you there!

If Emperor Norton rides Muni, so can you

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This dapper fellow is none other than Norton I, Emperor of the United States, original champion of “a bridge crossing and a tunnel to be built under San Francisco Bay.”

Actually, the dude in the photo leads Emperor Norton’s Fantastic San Francisco Time Machine, a walking tour of our fair city. We love that modern-day Norty takes Muni. We have to imagine that the OE would’ve taken public transit also.

h/t Muni rider Sharon Steuer: “Only in #SanFrancisco: Riding the #Muni bus with #EmperorNorton on his iPhone.”

See your Muni stories come to life next Saturday

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Our favorite night of spring is back! We can’t wait to see your shiny faces in real life at Muni Diaries Live at the Elbo Room next Saturday. We’re back with another awesome lineup, including a Muni driver, a three-piece band singing Muni-themed songs, and a Muni Haiku Battle you won’t want to miss. Join us and your fellow commuters for a night of only-in-San Francisco tales.

Muni Diaries Live
Advanced tickets are sold out, but we’ve saved some spots for a few door tickets. Get there early!
Saturday, April 18, Door: 6 p.m. Show: 7 p.m.
Elbo Room
647 Valencia Street
San Francisco
Take Muni there: J-Church, 12, 14, 22, 33, 49, or BART: 16th or 24th St stations

Our storytellers:

Yayne Abeba is a native San Franciscan. As a child, you could find her dancing and singing her way around San Francisco with the San Francisco Children’s Opera. In 1995, she began studying with Jean Shelton at the Jean Shelton actor’s lab. She was bitten by the comedy bug in 1999 at Tony Spark’s Luggage Store. “…It’s like I have no control over it…whether it’s an open mike, a showcase, or a soap box, I just want to be a part of it.”

Doug Meriwether has been a transit operator for the SFMTA for 16 years and has withstood the test of time: He still has his “day” job by working nights on the Mission Street buses! Step up and step in to follow Doug and find your Zen in a trolley. His book, The Dao of Doug: The Art of Driving a Bus or Finding Zen in San Francisco Transit: A Bus Driver’s Perspective, is a behind-the-scenes look at being a Muni driver, with his philosophy on how to maintain dignity and peace when the going gets tough.

Caitlin Gill has performed on the Oddball Comedy Tour, the Outside Lands Festival, SF Sketchfest, Bridgetown Comedy Festival, the Vancouver Global Comedy Fest and in some of the best comedy clubs in the nation. Her writing has been featured in a Believer Magazine project for 826LA. She was featured her as one of the 7 Comics Rocking the Local Scene in 7×7 Magazine and was voted Best Comedian in the East Bay Express “Best Of” Edition in 2013. You can also hear her on podcasts like Put Your Hands Together, Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction and NPR’s Snap Judgement. We know and love her for slaying her competition in the Dirty Haiku Battle, the inspiration for our Muni Haiku Battle, at Oakland’s Tourettes Without Regrets.

Tarin Towers has been riding Muni since 1995, when she used to ride the 22 to her first job working the graveyard shift at the Denny’s in Japantown. She has performed her work nationwide, including on tour with Sister Spit. Her book is called, Sorry, We’re Close. She’s a big fan of manners and also a realist. Please don’t block the aisle with your enthusiasm.

Mesquite and Mustard is a three-piece musical act from San Francisco. Simply put, they play songs about whiskey, trains, biscuits, and mamas.

Jesse James is the reigning champion of the Muni Haiku Battle. When not administering tours of the Golden Gate Bridge to Australian tourists, Jesse spends way too much money on art school and a slightly smaller amount on comic books. He didn’t drink until he was 21 and has been trying to make up for lost time ever since. Jesse was the winner of the TOHS Class of 2000’s Most Extraordinarily Unique Male Senior Award.

Katie Haverkamp is a lifelong musician and an unofficial vintage transit cheerleader. When not airing her many grievances to the SFMTA, she can be found brewing beer inspired by the Market Street Railway fleet or earning a ticket from SFPD for fiddling in the park. Katie’s a daily L-Taraval rider and adores her spot in the fogbelt.

Ronn Vigh‘s brash attitude and acerbic wit have earned him a comparison to a young Joan Rivers by SF Weekly. It’s a fitting comparison, since he later became a writer for E! Television’s Fashion Police, which was co-hosted by Rivers. For 13 years, Ronn has been a proud San Francisco resident and not-so-proud Muni rider. It just further reminds him that his car was repossessed when he first moved here. On the bright side, he’s also a yoga teacher and has found that regularly riding Muni is an excellent way to put all the teachings of compassion and letting go into practice. It’s also great for working on your core strength when there’s no dirty hand strap in reach as you’re being tossed around a careening L train at rush hour.

Graphic design by Craig Fowler

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