Boom Box vs The New Yorker, From Our Story Tent

Ahem, is this thing on?

“A brown liquid was found on Muni line 46 today. Passengers were throwing up when the discovery was made, making this the most amazing bus line in the city today.”

Don’t worry, it’s not true. This is just one of the Muni Mab Libs submitted at the Muni Diaries Story Tent at Outbound, hosted by us and Secession Art and Design on Friday night. Secession Art and Design curated an amazing show, featuring the work of Nate1, Eddie, Duerone, and a collection of wearable art. At our Muni Diaries Story Tent just outside of Secession, we heard some hilarious Muni stories like the one that Mary told in the video above, about a war between a boom box and The New Yorker.

We also collected your brilliant Muni Mad-Libs:

“Riding Muni is better than a night on the cornfields with numerous lucky ladies.” – David.

“Riding Muni is like dating a dude who is clueless about your needs and full of surprises, except it’s never the pleasant kind.” – Fabulous R.

“Riding Muni is better than taking a hot jello bath with Jesse Helms on a summer day in North Carolina on mescaline.” – Felix.

Yow!

If you haven’t made it to Secession yet, be sure to check out Nate1’s paintings featuring BART and Muni, Eddie’s large-scale work that you probably recognize from the streets, and Duerone’s handpainted boxcars. Secession also hosts designers of wearable art, including work from Colleen Mauer, Heather Robinson, and Rachel Znerold.

We’ll be airing more of the stories we collected Friday night this week, and watch our Twitter feed for more Muni Mad Libs submissions from the evening.

Freestylin’ 49, Part 2

Muni Graveyard
Photo by Flickr user DaveFayram

I hate bagging on Muni drivers, whether it’s via the relative anonymity of the interwebs, to a friend at a party, or to their faces. It accomplishes nothing, as you’re still shit out of luck even after you’ve gotten worked up, right? But I had to say something this time.

Background: I spun this yarn a few weeks ago about a 49-Van Ness/Mission that inexplicably stopped at 14th Street, instead of continuing further south like it’s supposed to. Fine. Whatever. But during each of the three times this has happened to me, news of the offbeat route was announced with an inside voice that could shame the quietest church whispers. The 49 isn’t exactly quiet, either. All signs indicated that this was indeed a 49 that went the full route.

During my charmed third time on the 49-Stops at 14th Street, the bus pulls to a stop, and the same driver (at the same time of day) opens all the doors. He steps outside the bus, walks the length of one side, and notifies people with his inside voice, “last stop…last stop…last stop.”

As 50 people stare at one another confusedly, wondering if the driver simply bailed to the gas station for a snack, I stepped outside and asked if this was the last stop. I said he needs to actually announce this to people next time, because no one can hear him. That is why 50 people are still sitting on his bus.

His response: “The PA is broken, what do you want me to do?”

Hmm.

Yes, PAs break, especially on Muni, where a lot of things break all the time. And he’s apparently driving the same broke-ass bus every time, hence the regular lack of aurally acceptable announcements. Shitty. But come on; why did he go outside, first of all, instead of walking the length of the inside of the bus?

Consider this another plea for better communication between drivers and passengers.

If you’re curious, the bus turns east on 14th Street after slowly emptying its confused load of folks.

A misfired projectile in Tiffany’s airspace

1-california-clay-and-powell
Photo by christine.ricks

100 Muni StoriesJesse told a two-minute version of this story at Muni Diaries Live! two Fridays ago, and there was no question that he was the crowd favorite of the evening. People couldn’t get enough of Jesse so we asked him to write his story in full here for you.

I was heading home from work, a task that takes about 45 minutes and one transfer. In the afternoons, I prefer to take the 1-California, as it has consistently proven to be the gentler, cleaner, more Asian cousin of the consistently troubling 38-Geary. Little did I know that this was to be no ordinary ride home. This was a bus ride that, even years later, is still burned into the memory portions of my brain (those are somewhere in the upper middle, right?). When dealing with Muni, I suppose one should always expect the unexpected.

As I approached the bus shelter, I heard a loud, angry voice taking someone to task for being a “Lazy-Assed Cracker.” Soon it was revealed that the man attached to the voice was a tall fellow who would sporadically refer to himself in the third person. His name was Leroy. Leroy seemed to be pushing 60, though I suppose he could have been younger. One thing was for sure; Leroy was not new to the streets. He was crusty in a way that is almost special. It seemed that Leroy had maintained a long and devout abstinence to water, since Y2K was a genuine threat. Leroy’s hands were swollen, coated in years and layers of sedimentary funky junk and it dawned on me that Leroy’s claws have quite possibly touched many of the same public surfaces that mine have over the years (I resolved at once to stop biting my nails). His T-shirt advertised the 1984 Los Angeles Summer Olympics and was so timeworn that maintaining its structure must have been accomplished through ancient magic long since forgotten.

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Freestylin’ 49

MUNI to City Center
Photo by Flickr user Transguyjay

Color me confused with a hint of annoyance, to be all angry-Muni-rider about it.

The gist: I get on a 49 at Van Ness and Oak, for my southbound journey into the Mish. Twice, at the same time of day, the same driver says that 14th Street will be the last stop. (Hint: it’s not supposed to be). A 14 or another 49 showed up both times before long. But it is cause for some mild WTF, particularly if it happens twice at the same time.

Sidenote: I’m all for a soft-spoken kinda guy, but this driver needs to speak up when he says that 14th Street will be the last stop. As expected, come 14th Street, a few people get off. But 20 other people sit confused as fellow passengers assume the task of explaining that this is indeed the final stop.

Also: The first time it happened, there was no indication on the bus’s marquee that it was ending its route at 14th Street. The second time, the sign was in that in-between-signs state. Like, maybe it says 14th, but wait … *hates self*

My understanding was that truncated lines are one-offs; they’re thrown in to thin the crowd of everyone that couldn’t get the earlier bus because it didn’t show up. So? Why’s this happening? Theories, whether serious or comedic fiction, welcome.

Three Cup Shuffle Scam on Muni


Photo by Flickr user photine

Muni rider Adam saw a group of people scamming Muni passengers on the 24 recently with the infamous “three cup shuffle” scam. I’ve heard about this scam being carried out on tourists at Fisherman’s Wharf and in some other tourist-heavy cities, but Adam’s description of what happened seems more threatening:

Today a friend witnessed a group of people gambling/scaming passengers on Muni. One guy would do the ‘which cup is the bottlecap under’ and bug nearby passengers about money, while flashing cash. A nearby passenger refused to pay attention so two other guys came up and threatened the guy into giving up his cash on hand. This was on a 24-inbound. They jumped off in the Haight. Not 10 minutes later another friend texts me that this same group of guys (whom he sees all the time) are on the 71-inbound doing the same thing. They intimidated a guy out of $40.

Adam said he called 311 and was transferred to SFPD, who then transferred him back to Muni. Adam also reports that the 311 operator would not take an anonymous report, but on the 311 site I found that you can indeed file an anonymous report about Muni.
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14-Mission birth control?

14-Mission in Daly City, December 7, 2008
Photo by /\/\ichael Patric|{

Yesterday, we read a little piece on SFGate about the worst places in the Bay Area to go into labor. Unsurprisingly, DMV beat all contenders as the least appealing place to bring a new life into the world (we’re pretty sure DMV might clean up at the Least Desirable Awards Show, but that’s another story).

Perhaps also to no real alarm, Muni made the list. No. 2, in fact. And not just any bus or Metro line. No, special disdain is reserved for the 14-Mission like it is for no other line in town. Does that have anything to do with the fact that there’s more (reported) crime on the 14-Mission than any other? Not that we’re scratching our heads at this result.

But it does make us wonder: What are some other dubious Muni awards you can think of? Worst line to make out on. Worst line to take to a fancy date. Worst line to use for grocery shopping. Share your ideas in the comments, please.

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