A Quiet Night on the 38-Geary

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Photo by Justin

Appreciative people-watching has always been part of the appeal here at Muni Diaries, and I think the view from Muni rider Stuart’s seat reminds us as much. The vomit shower is pretty gross, though.

A man boards the 38 with his hair in what appeared to be a two-foot tall orange condom. Another man staggers aboard on, asking everyone in earshot where he could get his fix. A woman talks about her divorce on speakerphone. A group of bros holding burritos and PBRs yammer and sway.

Nothing happens.

I sit in a singleton seat, and I look outside, and it is raining. I open the window, relishing the cool scent of wet asphalt, and turn my head toward the rain, smiling as my eyelashes catch the few drops that fall in upon me from outside. It strikes me that sitting there, smiling at nothing, and smelling the rain, I might be the strangest guy on the bus.

One of the bros takes a bite of his burrito, a swig of his PBR, and showers his buddies and their poorly tailored suits in vomit as the 38 swerves to miss a double-parked car.

Everything returns to the status quo, as madness erupts around me.

The 38-Geary is one of our most talked-about lines. Who knows, you may run into The Most Interesting Man in the World (you may even be him, depending on how your day went), or you may find yourself quietly defending your sexuality and Little Mermaid backpack. If you have a story that’s worthy of the #OnlyonMuni hashtag, send it our way and you could win tickets (and saved choice seating) to Muni Diaries Live, set for Nov. 8 at the Elbo Room.

The nerve of some people on Muni

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Photo by Shuvo C

You’ve seen them. You’ve heard them. You’ve smelled them. You’ve wished they got off at every single stop along your longer-than-it-should be commute, only to have them outlast you, somehow. They are: Muni riders with cojones grandes.

Most recently:

  • OH on Muni: ‘Um, would you move? I deserve this seat more than you do. I’m prettier.’ #munidiaries #27bryant
  • If you are not wearing deodorant please put your arms down on the bus #Dirty30 #citylife #thatbuslifedoe
  • Let’s play who can be louder?! The toddler or the lady in the back on the phone singing n’ shit! #sfmuni #19
  • “You know why I sit here? To look at all the pretty ladies.” Old man to old lady on the J-Line. #jline #onlyonMuni
  • witnessed a woman fling her booger onto the back of a chair on #SFmuni even though she’s holding a tissue.

This week’s Things on Muni is brought to you by fellow Muni riders @8346757, @R_Lowry, @RGB_SINCE1981, @stephlikespaint, and @ShelbyTerissa. Spin your favorite yarn today @munidiaries, and don’t forget to include the hashtag #OnlyonMuni. You could win two front-row, reserved seats at the Nov. 8 Muni Diaries Live!

‘Only on Muni’ award nominees

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Photo by Daniel Hoherd

Some things really seem like they only happen on transit vehicles here in San Francisco. And here are some notable moments from the recent past …

  • Nothing says Friday like a 7 ft tall homeless man screaming about “time monsters” while shooting a toy ray gun. #sfmuni
  • Woman using a snotty tissue to hold the bus rail #zomg #cantgetmoredisgusting
  • OH on the J: Guy1:”If you didn’t see the Liberty Bell, what did you do in Philly?” Guy 2:”Picked up pretty boys, had sex.”
  • Man w/NY accent screaming into flip phone about someone who shouldn’t have first bought things at Target and Costco. #sfmuni
  • Chick in front on me on this #SFMuni #38 really feeling herself. Keeps making kissy faces at her own reflection

This week’s Things on Muni is brought to you by fellow Muni riders @carsonbell, @emflannery1, @dhmspector, @jocelynslai, and @EricShins. Share your Only on Muni findings @munidiaries.

May the N-Judah be with you

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It’s not every day that Millennium Falcon pilot and all-around bad-ass Chewbacca rides Muni. In fact, it takes the annual Giants’ Star Wars hoorah at AT&T Park to get this Wookie on the N-Judah.

We’re guessing he’s headed toward some wretched hive of scum and villainy out in the Sunset somewhere.

Chewy was last spotted in cardboard-cutout form on Muni. Glad he left the crossbow at home this time.

Via 7×7.

Faith in humanity restored on Muni? Say it ain’t so …

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Photo by Sam Ejnes

I mean, I guess it was bound to happen at some point, right? Given the law of averages and everything, good things can and do happen on Muni. Here are some recent examples:

  • anyone feeling sad today: get on the 1 Calif. number 5543, driver is wearing a Santa hat singing Spanish & yelling at cars
  • I want to be as excited about something as kids are to pull the stop cord on the bus.
  • Man doing an impression of bear speaking in tongues on 30 Stockton. #muni
  • Just witnessed a young boy hold the #sfmuni doors open for a few minutes so an elderly woman could catch up

I’m as cynical as they come, but these tweets make me think there might be hope for humanity. Wait, no, sorry about that. I won’t let it happen again.

This week’s Things on Muni is brought to you by fellow Muni riders @lshlarson, @emflannery1, @cardi_party, and @timothykchin1. Contribute your verse to @munidiaries today.

Dude rides Muni like it’s 1988

Oh my shit, it's 1988. #MUNIencounters #SF #totallyfuckingnormal #DJnoclue

A video posted by Lindsay Neville (@lmn22rn) on

Says videographer Lindsay on Instagram:

“Oh my shit, it’s 1988.”

Some things—Bush, Sr.’s “read my lips” speech chief among them—are best left in 1988. Other things—A Fish Called Wanda, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, and rapping along with one’s boom box on public transit—are absolutely not.

I especially enjoy how the boom-box toting Muni Metro rapper is, maybe intentionally, rapping at the guy on the iPad ignoring him.

Let’s play Name That Tune. Go!

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