Super Bowl Fan’s Guide to Riding Muni

muni super bowl 50

Dear Super Bowl Fan,
By now you’ve probably realized that Levi’s Stadium is not in San Francisco, but your hotel most definitely is. Yeah, we know. But instead of standing in line at Super Bowl Fan Village (see our super helpful, super honest map here), we recommend that you get around town on Muni (that’s our bus) like a real local.

In short, Muni is $2.25 a ride, exact change, pay when you get on, keep the transfer (good for any direction for 90 minutes), and pull that cord to get off the bus. If you really want to look like a local, here are our best tips:

1. STEP DOWN! STEP DOWN!
2. When the recorded lady tells you to “Please Hold On,” she means it.
3. That’s not water on the seat.
4. Hold on to your cell phone and valuables.
5. Move to the back. No, really. You’ll get off the bus in time.
6. There’s no honest game of dice on the bus.

Photo by brunosuras

Who needs 311 when you can gripe about Muni old-school-style?

muni angry note axel feldheim main

When you have a major Muni complaint and you have your Sharpie with you, this is the next natural thing to do. @axelfeldheim on Instagram found this at the 43-Masonic stop one day:

“12:31 a.m. (late Tuesday night 12-22). #43 driver refused to pick up disabled old woman who waited over 30 minutes for the bus. It is VERY cold out and is life threatening to do that to her. He should be fired and jailed.”

I too would be livid to see this happen to a disabled old woman. Hope she got home OK.

Hubba hubba! This Muni burlesque is amazingly on-theme

alexa vk hubba hubba muni

Muni is a lot of things, but sexy isn’t really one that comes to my mind (cue your favorite “back door” jokes here). So imagine my surprise when I found that Alexa Von Kickinface of the Hubba Hubba Revue came up with a burlesque act all about the bus. Here she is onstage in front of an enthralled audience, with a box adorned with…wait for it…the Muni worm logo. What?

From Alexa herself:

It’s a burlesque act to the Red Hot Chili Peppers cover of “Love Roller Coaster” about riding Muni. The box is my “bus” that I start off driving, then riding, then dry humping out of undying love.

Oh, and as if this can get any better, Alexa writes to tell us that her pasties are made from laminated paper Fast Passes from 2009!

Photo by Alexa Von Kickinface

Sunglass Cat shows you how to ride BART

Sunglass Cat is a “special needs” cat with a medical condition that requires wearing shades at almost all times, including riding BART. In case you think that its Person also dresses up the poor cat in silly undignified costumes, this is actually necessary to keep him warm! According to Sunglass Cat’s Facebook page, he can’t regular his body temperature so in the winter, Sunglass Cat needs many cozy outfits for his outings. Get ready for an express train to Feeladelphia when you watch the video above of the kitty wearing Christmas gear and bedazzle shades on the train.

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