Man with cellphone taken for a ride

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Muni rider Jessica tells the following tale:

I’m a usual N Judah rider to and from work during the week. However, one night last week I decided to go to a spin class at a different gym on Van Ness, thus leaving me 1 of few options by taking the 49 to get back home afterwards.

Just the thought of riding this bus at night made me incredibly paranoid. I found myself constantly checking around for the crazy man who stabbed the 11yo boy last week. Despite the fact that I knew the driver would not attempt to save my life in any dangerous/traumatic/life-threatening situation, I decided to sit near the front for my own contentment. During my initial scan of the people around me I noticed a blind man seated with a service dog. He had his cell phone in his hand and was sitting patiently (and probably also hoping he could get the hell off this bus as soon as possible).

There was a lady sitting perpendicular to him (in those single seats that always get first dibs since they isolate riders from sitting next to any creeps). She was rocking a sweet 80s-esque ponytail with sweatband and smelled like she had just bathed in steak fajitas. She noticed the blind guy had a cell phone and asked him if she could use it.

He said “well I’m a nice guy, but I don’t usually lend out my phone. Is it an absolute emergency?”

“Yeah,” she said lethargically.

I could tell he really didn’t want to let her use the phone, but now felt obligated and handed it over. At first, I thought she was going to try to steal it from him because he was blind. Instead she dialed a number and started talking in Spanish to the person on the other end. I speak Spanish and was trying to hear what she was saying about this emergency, but she was mumbling so much that I couldn’t understand. She continued chatting (yes, just chatting away) about her so-called emergency the entire ride. I was really tempted to go over to her and tell her how rude this was- what if he has pre-paid minutes! The guy did you a favor lady, don’t take complete advantage of him!

The blind guy looked miserable and it was obvious that he regretted his decision to be a nice guy. I was secretly hoping he would reprimand on this chick and snatch his phone back, but I’ll never know. About 7 minutes into her emergency phone call (I kid you not!) I had to get off at my stop. I don’t know how it all ended, but I would like to think that the dog pissed on her feet or something comparably satisfying.

Seen anyone else totally disregard all social norms and take advantage of another rider? If you’ve got any kind of Muni story to tell, this is the place: muni.diaries.sf@gmail.com

As bad as it gets, you’re never alone

this cracked me up...
Photo by Flickr user reminisced content

Am I the only one who’s ever wondered how often people sitting at the front of the bus stand up to offer their seat to a pregnant woman, only to realize she’s just overweight?

Had that thought while riding the 22 the other day. Then felt like a terrible person for having aforementioned thought.

What “evil” thoughts have you had on Muni lately? Comments, please.

Muni Mind Reader: Haight-Bus Punker and ‘Service Dog’

Haight Street
Photo by Flickr user Mat Honan

It’s summer. It’s hot. Muni Mind Reader took the week off last week. But never you fear — she’s back and in fine form this warm August Friday. For this installment, Tiffany (aka, Muni Mind Reader) checks in with that colorful character you sometimes see on the 6, 7, or 71. Any of the Haight Street lines, really. He or she is known by many names and aromas, but enough of this intro. Take it away, Mind Reader!

Hey, what are you all looking at? You’re all just a bunch of society-lovers, aren’t you? Oh I’ve seen this before. You look at my duct-taped pants, weather-beaten trench, and standard-issued Doc Martens, and think, “If only he’d shop at The Gap or Banana Republic, he’d be such a nice boy!”

Well, listen up SOCIETY, I refuse to conform to your capitalistic, material-obsessed, world. Lucky for you, I’m not going to try to sit next to any of y’all. Instead, I’ll just sit up front where I can spread out a little bit, have more space for this radio, trash bag filled with other trash bags, sleeping bag, tarp, and duffel bag. The last three items I just picked up from the army surplus store on Haight Street. Incidentally, it’s where I do all my shopping. These pants are really just second-hand army ACU pants. I added the duct tape myself to enhance durability, cred, and had absolutely nothing to do one Wednesday afternoon. If you’re going to be a middle-class, early-20s, homeless-by-choice punk in this city, freakin’ army surplus stores are the bomb.

This is my dog, Warrior. Come here War! We’ve been together a long time. I got her at the SPCA. Now, anyone who has tried to adopt a pet from an animal shelter can sympathize with me over the long-ass process. Originally, I lied and said I had a job, thinking the key to having a pet in this city is to prove you have daily responsibilities and income to provide for the health and well-being of my furry friend. But then they worried I’d be out of the house all the time. So then I fessed up. Hell no man, I don’t live in your conformist world. My job is to let passers-by know they are the enemy and my decision to live under a few bushes in Golden Gate Park is a passionate statement on what’s wrong with the world. That’s when everyone realized I’d be “home” all the time. She’s been really instrumental in helping me carry around all my belongings. That’s why she always gets free passage on Muni. Cuz she’s a SERVICE DOG! Haaa! Stupid society.

Nah, he ain’t got no muzzle. What the hell do you want me to do? Conform some of the time?

So I know you’re wondering why it is I don’t smell quite as bad as I usually do. Usually you can smell the potent blend of my urine, my dog’s urine, weed, BO, and compost before I even get on the bus. I saw you all look up horrified when you heard all the plastic I was carrying rustle. But then you thought, Well that’s weird, I don’t want to throw up in my mouth. FOOLED YOU! I had my monthly visit with the folks. STUPID PARENTS. Nah, I’m just kidding. I love ‘em, and even though it can be pretty embarrassing to be picked up by your parents in the Panhandle (especially when they show up in their vintage Mercedes-Benz) I think they’re proud of me. Yeah, we headed up to Sonoma for the weekend. I got to take a shower, wash my clothes. I gave Warrior a bath too. It’s real pretty up in Sonoma, have you ever been? YEAH YOU HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM MY FRIEND!

All right, I’m ready to blow this joint. I promised my parents I’d at least fill out one college application today, though really, I’m just doing a 40 run for the kids at camp. Smell me later!

Updated with Editors Note: Cobra Malt Liquor Through a Straw

A lot of you objected to the publication of a photo that rider Matthew took on the 19-Polk, of someone who he thought was a dead-ringer for Whitney Houston. Your comments are really valuable to us at Muni Diaries as we constantly walk the fine line between democratic forum and editorial integrity. We don’t often turn your posts away because we want to create a place where you can tell your stories, but we definitely don’t want to do this at someone’s expense. We’ve taken the picture down but left the text of the story here in the post. Agree or disagree with our decision? We want to know. Please tell us in the comments section. – Jeff and Eugenia

Original post:

Muni rider Matthew writes to tell of a possible celebrity-sighting on a San Francisco bus.

Tell me this wasn’t Whitney Houston! She was a “BOBBY!!” shriek away from a dead ringer.

Seriously, her makeup looked professionally applied, if a little too glittery for 3 p.m. If she wasn’t so wasted and her top wasn’t so stained with spilled liquids, I really would have thought it was the Diva Herself. God I hope those stains were just her drinks…

“Whitney” fell asleep long enough for me to snap her photo. She woke up soon after to root around in one of her bags for another Cobra Malt Liquor (which she drank through a straw, because as you can see, she is a LADY).

I can snap photos and poke fun because lord knows I’ve been that drunk lady on the bus a time or thousand.

Matthew has just become the first Muni-razzi. Seen any celebs or dead-ringers on Muni? muni.diaries.sf@gmail.com

No Man-Sitting!

no man sitting

Remember the big-balls-having guy from the first Muni Mind Reader episode, the guy whose nuts are so big they take up two seats?

Well, the ladies of Boston had enough of these guys too, and they’ve created a button warning against such behavior.

The AboutWomen project in Boston, who made the button above, also wrote a letter to the MBTA expressing their concern:

We’ve designed a badge for public transportation customers to wear in order to encourage passenger civility. We hope to raise awareness of fellow passenger’s comfort with this visual reminder.

Often, we believe, some T-riders aren’t aware that they’re taking up three seats with their knees. Of course, there are many other discourteous behaviors, like occupying additional seats with your belongings, but the particular posture depicted on our button is the most commonly complained about offense found in our survey of T- passengers.

Read the rest of the letter here.

Thanks to our friends at Tenderblog and the London Underground Tube Diary for this hilarious find.

$2 for ladder transport

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This harrowing, probably-totally-against-the-rules tale arrived in our inbox the other day from Muni rider Christine:

Dear Muni Diaries,

The other day I learned you can’t bring a ladder on Muni.

I borrowed the ladder from a cross-town friend. The 22 bus pulls up, I put my bike on the front, and walk up the stairs with the ladder, and flash my Fast Pass. The driver tells me that I can’t bring the ladder on the bus. Dumbfounded, I stare at him. He tells me it’s “too dangerous.” What?!

Anticipating a very long walk with my bike AND a ladder, I came up with a solution by the time the next 22 pulled up…. 🙂

Camouflaged, my ladder rode happily back to my apartment.

– Christine

Seen contraband on the bus lately? Let us know: muni.diaries.sf@gmail.com

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