Category: Funny: Muni LOLs

Boom Box vs The New Yorker, From Our Story Tent

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Ahem, is this thing on?

“A brown liquid was found on Muni line 46 today. Passengers were throwing up when the discovery was made, making this the most amazing bus line in the city today.”

Don’t worry, it’s not true. This is just one of the Muni Mab Libs submitted at the Muni Diaries Story Tent at Outbound, hosted by us and Secession Art and Design on Friday night. Secession Art and Design curated an amazing show, featuring the work of Nate1, Eddie, Duerone, and a collection of wearable art. At our Muni Diaries Story Tent just outside of Secession, we heard some hilarious Muni stories like the one that Mary told in the video above, about a war between a boom box and The New Yorker.

We also collected your brilliant Muni Mad-Libs:

“Riding Muni is better than a night on the cornfields with numerous lucky ladies.” – David.

“Riding Muni is like dating a dude who is clueless about your needs and full of surprises, except it’s never the pleasant kind.” – Fabulous R.

“Riding Muni is better than taking a hot jello bath with Jesse Helms on a summer day in North Carolina on mescaline.” – Felix.

Yow!

If you haven’t made it to Secession yet, be sure to check out Nate1’s paintings featuring BART and Muni, Eddie’s large-scale work that you probably recognize from the streets, and Duerone’s handpainted boxcars. Secession also hosts designers of wearable art, including work from Colleen Mauer, Heather Robinson, and Rachel Znerold.

We’ll be airing more of the stories we collected Friday night this week, and watch our Twitter feed for more Muni Mad Libs submissions from the evening.

Category: diaries, Funny: Muni LOLs, WTF: Weirdness on Muni Tags: , ,

Muni Rider Roasting on the 24

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Photo by Rick Audet

As I was riding the 24 home from work last week, two young men boarded the bus and immediately started sizing up the other riders in the back of the bus for potential roastability. Not finding enough meat for their roast they declared the bus “dry” as opposed to this morning’s selection which had been “wet.” This was a fairly incredible assessment, seeing as how the 24 is (always) stuffed to the gills with riders.

The roasters, doing their best with the available material, declared that “that dude there has a potato-head” (he didn’t). They then moved on to a young man who was listening to his ipod and had the luxury of pretending not to hear “look at this dude, he look like something out of mario brothers” (he didn’t). They then went on to mock his plain white t-shirt, cap and less than manicured fingers.

Meanwhile I’m feeling less and less comfortable, for the obvious reason that if unkempt nails were grounds for harassment, I could well be next. But mostly because I felt this was completely inappropriate. I mean, who does that? And why?

My stop was still three blocks away when I felt I could not handle it anymore. They had moved on to fresh meat, an older gentleman whose ear hair was somehow offending them (it wasn’t), when I vacated my seat. Clumsily and apologetically, I made my way to the front of the bus through the sea of fellow-riders. When I reached the front I reported to the driver that there were two young men harassing people in the back of the bus. The driver stood up and called to the back of the bus that they needed to “show some respect.” Feeling useless and edgy I then exited the 24, two stops early.

On my long walk home I thought of all the other ways the situation could have been handled. I had fantasies of rallying the other riders and declaring that we’re not going to take it! We’re all on the same bus here! We all have the right to a peaceful ride! Some of my less mature fantasies included roasting the aggressors: “your hair looks like bubble wrap!” and “if you’re lucky you might grow into those pants someday, son!” I digress.

Has anyone else witnessed a rider roasting? There must be a more effective way to handle it than to hassle the bus driver who is 20 ft and 30 people away….

Category: diaries, Funny: Muni LOLs Tags: ,

What to do when someone asks you to sign a petition

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No Soliciting
Photo by Thomas Hawk

Rider Jared bought some headphones to enjoy his music on Muni. Little did he know that right after his purchase, he would overhear one of the most excellent exchanges between one very cranky rider and someone who was trying to get him to sign a petition. I’m tempted to copy this technique the next time someone asks me to sign my name on yet another clipboard. Read on. – Eugenia

As someone who spends a good chunk of his day on Muni and Caltrain, I listen to a lot of music. As my iPod earphones have been slowly making their way to white headphone heaven, I decided to take the plunge and buy some quality buds. After much deliberation between sound-cancelling and the regular version, I bought Bose’s around-the-ear model on Monday evening at their store in the downtown Westfield. I decided against sound-cancelling because I’m afraid to be struck by a bus and die. But if “Lost” has taught me anything, it’s that I’ll see you all in another life, brotha. Anyway.

Just like a little kid at Hanukkah, I asked the store owner, “Do you mind if I open it now so I can listen to them on my ride home?” After a few cuts and snips, I was on my way downstairs to the Powell Station sporting my new headphones.

For some reason Predictably, I had to wait a while until a lettered car appeared to take me to the Castro station (I was jonseing for some boba). Once it arrived (after I was told it wasn’t coming for another seven minutes), I hopped on and stood against the doors on the opposite side so I’d be closest to my exit.

One stop in, I see a guy in his 30s or 40s walking through the car and talking to people. Huh, that’s weird, I thought.

As he makes his way over to our side of the car I notice he’s holding a paper. I’m thinking, oh, he’s one of THOSE a-holes.

I love people who try to help a good cause, but I hate solicitors as much as the MILF from “The 40-Year Old Virgin.” As he approached me, I politely said no thanks (a few times… he was persistent) and he moved on down the train.

Here’s where it gets fun. As he was moving down the bus, he kept asking folks and they kept saying “no thanks.” Until he reached this one dude sitting down reading a book. Let’s recount the situation:

Solicitor: Do you mind signing my petition to…
Muni Rider (screaming at the top of his lungs): NO. YOU CAN’T PETITION. NO PETITIONING. YOU CAN’T DO THAT. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED. STOP IT. YOU’RE A BAD PERSON. STOP DOING THIS. YOU CAN’T PETITION ON HERE. STOP IT. STOP. DON’T BOTHER ME. STOP IT!!!!!!!!
The Rest of the Bus: (Silence)

He finally quit right before we hit the Church station. As the solicitor passed him again on his way to the front of the bus, I was afraid the psycho was going to shank him. But luckily he kept his cool this time around.

And do you know what pisses me off most about all of this? That I didn’t buy the noise-cancelling headphones.

Category: diaries, Funny: Muni LOLs Tags:
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