Author: eugenia

Eugenia Chien has been eavesdropping on the 47, 49, or 1 lines since the mid-90's. She lives by the adage, "Anything can happen on Muni" (and also, "That's not water.")

Recovering My Stolen Bike In 30 Minutes Or Less

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Photo by Simon Li

Muni rider Suzanne’s bike was stolen from the 38-Geary, but just when she thought she might never see her bike again, it resurfaced less than half an hour later. Read on.

My bike got lifted from the 38 right as it pulled into the Tenderloin. I ran off and tried to chase him down, but my out-of-shapedness prevented that from being fruitful.

I am lucky, lucky, lucky that no more than half an hour later, I found my bike. Several blocks away. ON THE FRONT OF ANOTHER BUS.

I had already called 311 to file a report with the police and tweeted out my bike description. A friend tweeted back and said many thieves go to the Civic Center farmers’ market for a quick hustle. I went down there, talked to security, where they said 7th and Market is where all the stolen goods get sold.

I waited there with my brother-in-law and decide to file a report directly with Muni. As I’m saying my last sentence to Muni over the phone, another bus on another line pulls up with my damn bike on its rack.

We stop the bus, someone gets out to grab for it, security cuffs him, bus driver says “no, that’s not the guy who brought the bike on,” he gets let go and justice will be served to the actual thief another day, probably in bad karma.

But I got my boomerang bike back.

Morals of the story:

* Before anything gets stolen from anywhere, write down your bike’s serial number. Do it now. The internet will wait.

…

…Back? Good.

* If you think you can do so, get out and chase that m-fer down. Or at the very least, get out. If for nothing else but being in close proximity to the scene of the crime.

* But before you get out, REMEMBER THE BUS NUMBER. Not the route number, the individual bus number. I think it’s a big number above the front door. If you do just that, Muni can possibly pull video.

* I was in too much of a panic to take note of my surroundings, but knowing what time and stop (or intersection) I realized it was gone would have been very helpful.

* If it’s near downtown, go by Market and 7th immediately. That’s where they buy and sell stolen shit. I also hear the Ashby or Richmond flea markets are rife with stolen property.

* Call 311 and file a report with the police. I also called Muni directly and filed a separate report.

* Before you board, lock the bike through the wheel. It won’t prevent it from being stolen, but it would slow down a thief who won’t be able to ride away with it!

We found Suzanne’s story via our earlier post about whether you should chase a Muni bike thief. Suzanne advocates running after the thief, while other commenters disagreed. What do you think?

Category: diaries Tags:

Smackdown at the First-Ever Muni Haiku Battle!

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Photo by Robert Powell

Three poets gathered at Clarion Alley to throw down their hottest Muni haikus against the reigning champion on Saturday night. About 200 of you witnessed the spectacle of the first-ever Muni Haiku Battle at Lit Crawl. Who took home the prize?

The Muni Haiku Battle is styled after the famed “Dirty Haiku Battle” at Tourettes Without Regrets in Oakland, where emcees battle it out with their best odes in 17 syllables. Tourettes Without Regrets host Jamie Dewolf (below) was our referee, pitting three writers against Caitlin Gill, the nine-time Dirty Haiku champion.


Photo by BerDerp

First up for the challenge was Will Reisman, transportation reporter with the San Francisco Examiner. You might know him as the author of the Examiner’s Man vs Muni series, where he attempts to outrun or outwalk every Muni line. Unsurprisingly, he takes Muni all the time but has somehow managed only once to witness someone throwing up on the bus.


Photo by BerDerp

Our next brave poet was Anna Pulley, the arts and culture editor at SF Weekly. Her dead-pan haikus cracked up even Caitlin.


Photo by Robert Powell

Here’s one of Anna’s gems:

My policy hasn’t
changed. You could always
enter through my “back door.”

Ah. Every Muni Diaries show is a fun, family-friendly event!

Our third contestant was the dapper James Nestor, whose ensemble earned compliments even from our host. James is the author of Get High Now (Without Drugs) and the upcoming Deep: A Sea Odyssey.


Photo by Robert Powell

What you might not know is that James is also one hell of a haiku writer. Like this one:

Why you feel for change
Young man? You have paid the fare
Corduroy boner

We were still reeling from the visual at the final battle between James and Caitlin.


Photo by BerDerp

The crowd was revved for both performers, but only one can take home the first ever Muni Haiku Battle trophy.


Photo by Robert Powell

And…Mr. James Nestor is the winner of the evening!


Photo by BerDerp

Our audience judges awarded him the first-ever Muni Haiku Trophy, which we had painstakingly made earlier Saturday morning with some items that you might find on the floor on Muni. Take a look.


Photo by BerDerp

Yes, those are sunflower seeds and a magnum condom (brand new!). We tried to glue a chicken bone on the trophy too but decided that it might be a little too disgusting for our poets.

A big thank you to Litquake for giving us the perfect backdrop for a super-local-flavor event, and to everyone who came to see the battle at Clarion Alley. We’ll have videos of the battle for you later this week.

Category: diaries, Funny: Muni LOLs

22 Muni and BART Cuties on Refinery29

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Photo via Refinery29 and Anna-Alexia Basile

Stylish commuters got a nod of approval today from fashion mag Refinery29’s street style story. We’ve always known you were a good looking bunch, and now you can see more of your sartorially-inclined fellow riders struttin’ their stuff.

Stylish guys got some love too. (My own favorite is still our Bryan Boy look-alike found on Muni. Remember him?)

May we suggest adding this dapper young lad to the mix? He really knows how to work a houndstooth cap.

See the other 20 stylish folks on Muni and BART, as captured on Refinery29.

Category: Aww: Cute on Muni

SFGate: Some Don’t Take Muni Because They’re Scared of Poor People

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Photo by juicyrai

The real reason some people don’t take the bus is because they don’t like poor people, according to an SFGate opinion piece. You might take Muni trains or BART, but if you’re scared of poor people, you won’t ride the surface buses, we’re told. This sounded a little implausible to me, given that Muni runs 80 routes and only six of them are metro lines (aka “Muni trains”). So people really don’t need to go anywhere outside of those six metro lines? The writer reached this conclusion through careful observation of her bus-taking experience.

I watch people’s faces when they see me waiting at a bus stop. Many of them, especially drivers, look at me like I’m doing something vaguely unsavory – like I’m drinking out of a paper bag or flashing “designer” watches for sale.

To many people, taking the bus is on the same level as these activities. It’s interesting to ask people why they won’t take it. Usually their objections seem practical, at least on the surface: The bus is “slow” or it’s “always late.”

The real reason why people give me that look when they see me waiting at the bus stop is what happens after I get on the bus. It’s the people who are taking up two or three seats with thousands of plastic bags from low-budget food markets. It’s the people who smell like they’ve been living on the street. It’s the people who have loud cell phone conversations about their court cases or their overdue child support.

Because I haven’t done a scientific study of whether people really avoid taking surface buses and why, I’m just going to speak from my personal experience. As someone who takes the surface bus (the 47) every day twice a day, I have never seen anyone giving me a look for waiting for a bus. And the reference to “people who are taking up two or three seats with thousands of plastic bags from low-budget food markets”? Even when I’ve carried my share of groceries from Clement Street on the 2, nobody has ever batted an eyelash. The premise of “people look at me weird when they see me waiting for a bus” sounds self-conscious. It’s just not something I have experienced in the 10+ years I’ve lived here.

May I kindly suggest that if you’re waiting for the bus and people cast glances your way, they are probably looking at the NextBus arrival time, you know, that screen thing that’s blinking on the top of bus shelter?

Category: News Tags:

This Thursday: Rock N Roll Carnival with Broke-Ass Stuart

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San Francisco’s “editor-in-cheap” and Muni Diaries Live storyteller Broke-Ass Stuart has your Thursday evening planned for you this week! Stuart, Tricycle Records and Public Works are hosting a Rock-n-Roll Carnival Thursday night that has the making of an awesome evening. If you went to Stuart’s 10th anniversary party, you know this guy can throw down.

For just a couple of dollars, you get a ton of entertainment. To be honest, though, they had me at “sponsored whiskey.”

The entertainment:

Live performances by Birdmonster, Le VICE, Teenage Sweater, Magic Fight, and DJ sets by Bagel Radio. Stuart will be manning the Carnival Stage with these performers:

MAGIC by Ash K
COMEDY by Eric Barry & Matt Lieb
BURLESQUE by Dorian Faust “Burlesque’s Basquiat”
and tunes from DJs Mario Muse & Jacob Fury (Queen is Dead)
Plus face painting, fortune telling, skee-ball with Joey the Cat!

Getting there:
Muni: 12, 14, 22, 33, 49
BART: 16th Street Station

Presale tickets available here
$7 Presale | $10 at the door. Ages 21+

Category: News
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