Dear Muni Diaries: There’s this Situation on My Bus

What do you do when bus riders just can’t stop pinching the flabby adorable cheeks of your driver husband? Such are the problems that Dear Abigail Van Buren received back in 1978. Full disclosure: We adore old Dear Abby advice columns. Here’s her advice.

Dear Abby: My husband is not what you’d call handsome. He’s middle aged, a little on the flabby side, and he’s losing his hair. But he’s a bus driver, and Abby, I don’t think you know how crazy some women are for bus drivers. It must be the uniform, because the women fall all over Bill as if he were a Marine captain or something. Bill says that most of the women on his run are mental cases. They have tried to tip him, give him their phone numbers, and they fight for the seat right behind the driver so they can blow on his neck. One lady even pinched him.

Should I ask Bill to get into some other line of work? Or should I let him stay on that bus with all those crazy women? THE DRIVER’S WIFE

Dear Wife: Men who meet the public (in uniform and out) will be tipped, tempted, and even pinched occasionally. Give him lots of love. And trust. If a man is happy at home, he won’t look left or right.

Hmm … are women mauling your flabby, balding yet freakin’ irresistible bus driver husband? Smother him with love.

This gets me thinking, not about harassing bus drivers, but of all those odd situations that come up when riding public transit. Not sure what to say to that guy taking up two bus seats, the stranger passed out and drooling on your shoulder, or the woman over sharing on her cell phone? What would Dear Abby say about that?

Email us your bus-riding dilemmas. We have more Dear Abby gems for you, and if you send us your own bus dilemma, and we’ll respond with our best etiquette advice. Just don’t ask us which fork to use.