Video: The Third Muni Haiku Battle

Muni Haiku Battle has its legs, you guys. At Muni Diaries Live on Nov. 9 (full event recap here), we brought back our reigning, two-time champ James Nestor to square off in a 17-syllable slugfest against MDL favorite Jesse James. Oh, the haiku, they did volley from one microphone to the other and into our ears and psyches forever and ever and ever. Try to unsee, for example, “Neighbor’s Us Weekly holds her interest. Casually she tongues an open sore.”

The vote was close, but Jesse took Round 1. Our champ was down, but not out. Round 2 video below.

Round 2

Another close vote, but our audience forced a decisive Round 3, giving Round 2 to James.

Round 3

And with that the Third Muni Haiku Battle concluded. Here’s a shot of Jesse’s trophy.

Photo by Kevin Wong

We’d like to thank James Nestor for setting an incredibly high bar as the first-ever Muni Haiku Battle Champion. Future challengers, beware!

Here are some of the haiku for those of you stuck at work without headphones:

Round 1 haiku
James: “Metro PCS on the J at 24th and Church”
Free unlimited
minutes; why not use them all
Right now. Beside me.

Jesse: “Untitled”
Bliss! Rapture! Empty single seat!
Sits too fast, realizes too late…
…shit.

James: “On the 19 POLK at Cedar, Two weeks ago”
Tub of vaseline
Teddy Bear, Ice Cream. Twas my
First Amber Alert

Jesse: “Untitled”
This schizophrenic can really talk…
BUT he likes my “pretty eyes.”
Go on, friend.

James’ third haiku of the round … just watch the video. Seriously.

Jesse: “Untitled”
Muni Mixologist drink special:
Artisan jizz
Locally sourced

Round 2 haiku
James: “On the 22 at Fillmore and Herman”
Brave move, young Clapton
Playing your air guitar
with a sweet erection

Jesse: “Untitled”
Click. Snap. Thud. Click. Snap. Thud.
His toenails collect on the floor.
Well, most of them.

Round 3 haiku
Jesse: “Little Mermaid Backpack”
Yelling, “faggot.” Yeah, pretty harsh.
Name-calling never solved a thing.
…bitch.